This is fear

You have an inspired original idea and you are excited about it. It is your first thought, your God-thought and it is the breakthrough idea you’ve been waiting for. You play it over and over in your head and its magnitude amazes you. You are beyond yourself with joy that YOU thought of such brilliance. You know it is brilliant because you trust the source. You also know it’s brilliant because you have seen it, from start to finish in a matter of seconds… You have allowed yourself to be one with the All.

Then you sit on it and later sleep on it. You wake up and you’re not as excited anymore, you have let doubt in and are now forced to talk about it before acting on it because the thought of you being great scares you. You search for similar ideas to discourage yourself and to discredit your own brilliance. You measure yourself up against the world when God has placed you above the world.

Then many tomorrows come and go, and you envy those that believed the voice of God. Those who understood that success did not mean no failure but meant more faith in what God has placed in you. You mock God for not answering your prayers when you are sitting and sleeping on the damn answer! When He purposely guided you to be different, you intentionally chose to fearfully be like the rest.

You cannot compare what God is blessing you with, with what man already has. Some are here to confuse you, others to discourage you and put your light out; yet all do not matter. Your greatest enemy is yourself, your greatest opponent is yourself and your greatest influencer is yourself. Now awaken that dream and go for it with all that you have, it has already been approved.

Dinkeng G. Mokhunoane
Wisdom is a SHE.

Old Soul

I am an old soul. I feel deeper, be it love or pain I feel it completely. For many centuries have I traveled & many times have I had to create myself anew. There have been many mysteries in my path, some good and many unpleasant. The good ones had no lessons worthy for me unless it was of my good unto another. Unless I were moving a stone out of your path for your head to land gently unto the grass, the goodness never lasted. It is in the unpleasant that I got to grow, got to live and got to fight to be here again in this moment, my tomorrow is not guaranteed. For many are souls in search of healing. Souls seeking a sense of identity, a home to go back to and heal.

I am an old soul. I feel deeper, be it love or pain I feel it completely. Heavy is the price I’ve paid for wisdom – it is called experience. Through it alone I look into your eyes and cry for you tears you are yet to cry. Through it alone, my heart swells with sorrow at the pain you are yet to feel. I may want to take it for you but the lesson will never be learned and that you need for your growth or death, you hold the choice. There is goodness in pain. When it is given an opportunity to be all it knows to be, there is goodness in it – its goodness lies in its ending. And its ending is a mere choice…

I am an old soul. I feel deeper, be it love or pain I feel it completely. More so love, I’ve known and shared. I’ve received and given to those deserving and many needing. It is more pleasant to receive, anything really but more so love. It is however more fulfilling to give, to anyone really but more so the needing. For many a times they do not know their need for healing, they mistake it for love. Yes love heals but which ailments qualify for loves healing powers. Many a times my well dried out because of a misdiagnosis. Being love, I could only give what I had, what I knew, what I am. Some people I met along my path I misdiagnosed and administered to them a love they didn’t need… A healing they will need once they heal what the world has done to them. Once they remember who they truly are when they are not being everyone they are expected to be. Give solids to an infant and they choke on their food and it is the food that looses purpose, its purpose is no longer nourishment but pain and suffering.

I am an old soul. I look into empty spaces and see their fullness, I look into dead eyes and see hope. It is when our bodies can no longer carry us that we wish we had taken better care, when they’re happy with others that we wish we’d been their reason to smile. It is when their hearts are no longer loving us that we wish to turn back time and give love we withheld because we saw no value in them then. It is when they laugh in another’s arms that we wish we had been their reason to laugh… It is when we are left with nothing that we wish we had appreciated everything. Time is no man’s friend, appreciate it, use it wisely, give it to those who deserve it and spare some to find yourself and to fall in love with yourself all over again.

Dinkeng.

Forgiving yourself

It took long for me to learn how to forgive. But it took even longer to learn how to forgive myself… I had to go back to painful places in my life, replay them, feel the feelings I felt then and cry the tears I cried then. But going back there required that I do somethings differently, it required honesty. It required acknowledgement and acceptance. I had to honestly admit that I never saw myself as worthy yet expected others to see me as such. I had to acknowledge that I too have caused others pain and I had to accept that I too was responsible for my pain, which was the most difficult part. I had to say it out loud that I deserve forgiveness and I had to name each act I was forgiving myself for. It took time and it took patience and effort but it was sooo worthy! The day I accepted my apology, the day I forgave myself… I was reacquainted with my true self. For the first time in a very long time, I met her and she is such a pleasure. Her name is Dinkeng

Forgive Yourself

Learning to forgive oneself is a process. It requires a truck load of honesty, a measure of courage, and a dose of patience. It can be compared to cleaning your house.. You do it one room at a time. When you clean your physical space you also clean a part of your spirit that was or is wounded. It is important to understand that, as with the physical so with the spiritual – you first have to see the dirty spaces in your house, the mess you and others have created. Then you need to feel the need to clean up the mess – throw the empty trash out, throw the dirty laundry in the machine and tidy up your cupboards. Clean the refrigerator, throw out rotting food and wash your dishes. You need to move furniture around to reach the dark forgotten corners and clean your windows from all the dust and rain of past seasons. Lastly, you need to open those windows to allow fresh air into your house. So it is with your spirit. Spiritual trash and spiritual rot exist. We allow pain and trauma to pile up in our lives without cleaning our spiritual houses. There are rooms in our spirit that are dark and scary, from things that have been done to us and things we have done to ourselves. Things that turn our spirits septic from the lack of care we render. And these things spread to other parts of our bodies, manifesting as chronic physical ailments, which only indicate existing chronic spiritual ailments… (To be continued)

Dinkeng G Mokhunoane

Cheryl Zondi…

Cheryl Zondi…

I salute you. I salute your courageous spirit. I once wrote ” There is goodness in pain. When it is given an opportunity to be all it is known to be, there is goodness in it – its goodness lies in it ending. And its ending is a mere choice…”  You have chosen to end your pain, a brave and bold choice. You have chosen to use your voice to free yourself from mental and physical slavery; to break the chains that have held you from yourself for so long. You have chosen to heal the “wounded child within”. Yes it’s a going to be a process. Yes it’s not going to be easy but its gonna be worth every effort, every tear, every memory and humiliation.

I salute you for choosing to bleed publicly, choosing to be crucified so as to heal the wounded child within you. Your bravery will heal many. Your open wound and your pushing ahead despite your fear will ensure that many men and women start crawling towards healing wounds they’ve covered up so long, they’ve infected their lives.

They ask why you never spoke about it sooner?
They still haven’t spoken about their demons – their alcoholic fathers who abused their mothers and later turned to them. They still haven’t spoken about their spouses who sexually molest their children and force them to turn a blind eye just like their trying to do with you.
They say you’re a wild one – And so you should be.
You were violated, manipulated and forced to grow way before your time. Selfishly, only your body was instructed to do the growing. See, many will not understand why you kept quiet when your trust was broken, when your pride was shunned and your dignity trampled on. Many will question why you never spoke up when your voice was muted. When you were told ‘I have the police on my payroll’.
Some will ask why you kept going back; yet they keep going back to their abusers in the workplace day after day. They go back to their abusers at home and like you, they put up a happy front. But unlike you, they have no courage to do what you did – they are ruled by fear.
People are painful… They shout and scream when you take a firm and bold stand against the uncomfortable truths of life, yet tomorrow stand at your grave site and ask why did she not say anything?!
Don’t mind them baby girl, don’t let their cowardice discourage you. You were not given a spirit of fear but of a sound mind! You do not need approval to heal yourself and cleanse your soul – it don’t matter how long it took to get you to that place of “enough”!
You do not need approval to tell your truth your way; and you certainly do not need approval to choose you over the noise, the titles, the masses and all the bullshit!!
Salute!

Dinkeng G. Mokhunoane

Forever in a moment

Life we take for granted
by that I mean each other
we hate, we hurt, we destroy
we judge, we persecute, we crucify
the ones we are meant to love
emotions run high, tempers flare
things are said, we cannot repair.

We walk away in anger
causing misdemeanour
giving no second thought
to what may become
of the ones we left in danger
danger of their thoughts
we know nothing about
thoughts of unworth
thoughts of undeserve.

We nurse only our feelings
feelings of righteousness
the I deserve an apology I won’t give
the I was right and you were wrong
the I won’t give him the satisfaction
of humbling myself though it is a higher law
a power that has life and death in its palms
a power I possess in my mouth.

A call comes through
that you have gone through
a light that awaits us all
now this moment I realise
is all I had to make things right
this moment is all we have
beyond this, the next hour, tomorrow
it is not guaranteed.

To love or to hate
to forgive or to despise
to heal or to hurt
that is our choice
but death – now that creeps in
like a thief and takes from us
what our hearts treasure most
without a warning sign it snatches
our very hearts.

Now questions remain
Could I have judged less?
Could I have forgiven more?
Could I have reached out in healing?
Could I have spent more time?
Could I have been more patient?
Could I have been more understanding?
Could I have thanked more, appreciated more?
Could I have loved unconditionally?

The answer is always yes
Yes, I could have but I chose not to

I chose to be right
I chose to prove a point
to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget
I chose to write off your existence
to stay angry at you and go against Jesus
I chose to be slow in hearing, quick to speak
I chose to be quick to anger
I found comfort in my anger yet offended by yours

I chose to go to bed angry at you
not knowing the Lord had plans for you
that He would have called you home in the morning
not knowing that I would be crying
because in honesty you were right
in honesty I was wrong
and I was too arrogant to admit.
Now I cry in regret
for love I failed to share
love I will never again receive from you.

Let your heart be pure
let your love be unconditional
let your kiss be of life not death
let your laughter be sincere
let your sorry be meaningful
let your goodbye be like your last
if tomorrow should never come.

Dinkeng G. Mokhunoane